"The reason that Harry Potter is the "saviour of the wizarding world" is because Voldieshorts took one look at baby Neville and went "I am NOT messing with that!"
"Chuck Norris' boggart is Neville Longbottom."
"Voldemort didn't light the Sorting Hat on fire; the Sorting Hat combusted because it touched Neville Longbottom."
"Bellatrix never actually tortured Neville's parents. She just threatened to kill their son and they laughed themselves into insanity."
"Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizont Alley."
"When Voldemort goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Neville."
"There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Neville allows to live."
(Yes, I know some of these are just adapted from Chuck Norris/Jack Bauer facts. I think they're funnier with Neville!)