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I hate being depressed.

I'm going to have to go back to my doctor sooner than planned. I'm feeling worse each day. I almost burst into tears during choir because I was so frustrated with how practice was going. I'll probably cry myself to sleep again tonight. Once again, I have that feeling of being crushed in a giant's hand.

I'm supposed to get a mammogram and pap smear before my next appointment, though...I wonder if I can get her to put it off another month? That's one more thing I don't want to worry about right now.

The weird weather isn't helping much. Sure, it's been sunny and seventy degrees for two days, but there's stormy weather coming, and I can feel it in my bones. It's not fun.

And it's getting harder to express myself. Plus I don't think anyone's listening. I just don't seem to have many friends left on lj. Most have taken off. I can't talk about this on Facebook or TrekBBS. :(


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 31st, 2013 04:52 am (UTC)
FWIW, I am here and listening. And I'm worried about you. Depression is utterly awful - I know, I've dealt with it on and off all my life and I'm dealing with it now, with my mum. But I have learnt that self-talk does matter, and so does medication.

Just - be as kind to yourself as you have the energy to be. Know that depression can be a chemical imbalance, or it can be the sane response to an insane world, or both. The more creative a person, it seems to me, the more depression stalks them because there's all too often such a disconnect between the wonder we see inside our minds and the reality we're faced with. You always strike me as a creative, smart, generous person. I wish there was something I could do to help.
Jan. 31st, 2013 05:04 am (UTC)
Thanks- just knowing someone is listening helps a lot. I've been on Effexor for almost four years. I thought it was the answer, but this past month I've been on a roller coaster of emotion!
Jan. 31st, 2013 07:19 am (UTC)
Female hormonal changes over time can change the chemistry of your body. It could be as simple as that for the cause.
Jan. 31st, 2013 07:19 am (UTC)
I'm listening too. Very much encourage you to go back to the doctor.

And I care. I enjoy your posts - your crafts, cooking, details about your life.

Depression blows and is too common. Do get it treated by the doctor - there is no good reason to have to suffer.

Feb. 6th, 2013 08:07 pm (UTC)
Seconding everything Bonz has said, and reminding you that I'm here too.
Jan. 31st, 2013 04:09 pm (UTC)
I'm still here reading too. Depression is the worst thing to deal with, because you always end up putting the worst interpretation on things.

There is usually a light at the end of the tunnel, however brief, and you have to hold on to those.

Best wishes.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )